On Tuesday night we ran a kind of workshop performance of Genius with a small audience at the Drill Hall in central London. The point of the show was to try out some new things and solving some of the problems that are thrown up now that we have to think about filming the show instead of just taking the sound.
We're pretty confident that we know how to best handle the heart of the show - the ideas sent to us by potential geniuses - it's the stuff around it that we needed to experiment with. But there's no way of just trying out that stuff... we obviously needed to run a proper show as well. If you were planning to build a wall and you knew what bricks you were going to use but had yet to make your mind up on the mortar... you wouldn't be able to test the mortar without using a few bricks as well.
I'm very grateful to the people who came down to pitch their ideas - especially to a couple of people who stepped in at short notice after two of our intended idea-pitching-potential-geniuses had to pull out.
We videoed proceedings so that Team Genius could review it later and see what things looked like from number of different angles. But because we were recording it we had no choice but to turn the noisy air conditioning unit off. Rarely have I performed in as uncomfortably hot space... which isn't me complaining... indeed it's the audience I felt sorry for. It's can't be easy sitting in a sauna and watching a third variation for an ending to the show you've already seen reach a satisfying conclusion. But they stuck with it and continued to give us some really valuable feedback right to the end. They really couldn't have been much nicer. (With the possible exception of one person who seemed very happy but really wanted me to be performing something he'd already seen me do 8 or 9 years ago... sigh.)
Still, it was a very satisfying night on the whole. If you came along: thanks for the feedback and sorry for the almost unbearable heat.
Team Genius spent Wednesday deconstructing what had happened. To be honest it wasn't too hard to work out which bits were going to survive and which weren't. Laughter is unequivocal like that.
On Thursday I was just round the corner from the Drill Hall at the BBC Radio Theatre for a recording of Armando Iannucci's Charm Offensive. I've done the show a couple of times before and it's always been a pleasure but this time I turned up feeling a bit underprepared.
Because I'm in production on something like Genius it starts to occupy my every waking thought. I'm in the office five days a week - and because of Tuesday's workshop I worked through the weekend too, getting the ideas straight in my head, tweaking scripts and so on. But I needn't have worried... it's such a self-assured show and the best things to come up always emerge out of the conversation anyway. In the end it didn't feel like work at all.
And the theatre was pleasantly cool too. Which was a relief.
It goes out today (Friday) at 6.30pm.
Friday, August 22, 2008
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
My New Car...
... isn't a car at all.
I sold my car a while ago. I'm very glad I did but one of the consequences I hadn't predicted is that my home has become messier.
Things that I would normally run to the tip or the local charity shop have been amassing over time. I don't want to put them out with the rubbish and I can't be bothered trying to sell individual items for pennies on ebay so they've ended up collecting dust at home instead.
Then a few weeks ago my TV gave up the ghost and died. I'd owned it for eleven years. I can date it because the TV before that one decided to go kaput during the funeral of Diana, Princess of Wales. Anyway... the telly that died a few weeks ago was deemed beyond saving and so I bought a new one. Which meant I had a silly, big, old broken telly in my living room. If I had a car I'd have taken it straight to the recycling centre (which is what they call the tip these days) but instead it just sat in the corner of the living room that is least used. My council will collect bulky items like that but I've not really been at home all that much - at least not with predictable enough hours - and so I've not bothered to try and coordinate it.
But none of this has persuaded me that owning a car would be a sensible thing to do. I just don't want one. So I've invested in this - my new bike trailer - instead. Day one: two huge bin bags full of clothes/books/CDs went straight to the charity shop and then at the weekend I cycled the 4 or 5 miles to the recycling centre with the broken telly. I don't know how heavy it was but it was a big old beast and I definitely felt better coming home with the trailer, empty.
Anyway... I love my trailer. I love not being one of those people who just dumps his old telly in the street and I'm going to do a lot more tidying in the weeks to come because I'm sure there's an awful lot of stuff in my attic that really shouldn't be there.
I sold my car a while ago. I'm very glad I did but one of the consequences I hadn't predicted is that my home has become messier.Things that I would normally run to the tip or the local charity shop have been amassing over time. I don't want to put them out with the rubbish and I can't be bothered trying to sell individual items for pennies on ebay so they've ended up collecting dust at home instead.
Then a few weeks ago my TV gave up the ghost and died. I'd owned it for eleven years. I can date it because the TV before that one decided to go kaput during the funeral of Diana, Princess of Wales. Anyway... the telly that died a few weeks ago was deemed beyond saving and so I bought a new one. Which meant I had a silly, big, old broken telly in my living room. If I had a car I'd have taken it straight to the recycling centre (which is what they call the tip these days) but instead it just sat in the corner of the living room that is least used. My council will collect bulky items like that but I've not really been at home all that much - at least not with predictable enough hours - and so I've not bothered to try and coordinate it.
But none of this has persuaded me that owning a car would be a sensible thing to do. I just don't want one. So I've invested in this - my new bike trailer - instead. Day one: two huge bin bags full of clothes/books/CDs went straight to the charity shop and then at the weekend I cycled the 4 or 5 miles to the recycling centre with the broken telly. I don't know how heavy it was but it was a big old beast and I definitely felt better coming home with the trailer, empty. Anyway... I love my trailer. I love not being one of those people who just dumps his old telly in the street and I'm going to do a lot more tidying in the weeks to come because I'm sure there's an awful lot of stuff in my attic that really shouldn't be there.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Charcoal
As I already mentioned in these parts, I enjoyed Latitude a lot. The devil is in the detail. Here's one of those details. The festival has an Artist in Residence. I like that. They don't have to do it. It will make no difference to the thousands of people who attend the festival, most of whom will be completely unaware that it happens... but it's still a lovely thing to do.
I only know that such a person existed because she came and introduced herself before my reading and asked if I'd sit for her. I said I would if there was time. As it was, finding time became immaterial because she crouched in the wings during the event and did a sketch then. I really like it.
You can see more of Lorna May Wadsworth's drawings at the appropriately named website: LornaMayWadsworth.com.
I only know that such a person existed because she came and introduced herself before my reading and asked if I'd sit for her. I said I would if there was time. As it was, finding time became immaterial because she crouched in the wings during the event and did a sketch then. I really like it.
You can see more of Lorna May Wadsworth's drawings at the appropriately named website: LornaMayWadsworth.com.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
More BT
I thought about just adding a comment on the bottom of my last post to update the situation but then I thought I might just keep typing and it would probably justify a new post... let's find out... cover me, I'm going in...
[EDITED TO ADD: this did indeed turn out to be a huge long ramble of a post. The short version is that the fault was fixed after 5 days but only because I managed to e-mail the CEO of BT who - to his credit - took action and got a top trouble-shooter on the job. I believe the system that's in place at the call centres should have resolved the issue in a day or two but that the staff are ridiculously ill-trained. Managers at the call-centre were no more competent than the front line and they blatantly ignored company-policy on several occasions... the long version is below... enter if you dare...]
So... the first thing to say is that I'm now back with my broadband connection. I don't know what the problem was exactly but I do know that it should have been fixed sooner. I spent two days with no connection and three days with a next to useless dial-up connection... that's two days standing besides the information superhighway with my thumb out and then three days sitting in the passenger seat of the beaten up milk float that came to my aid. It wasn't nice. I don't want to go back.
Here are a few snippets of information.
I kept hearing the following phrase:
"Your case has been escalated to the complex faults team but due to a system error the task has failed."
I kept asking the helpdesk staff to explain what this ridiculous sentence meant. On every single occasion, they just repeated the phrase as if repeated listening would make its meaning transparent. Then, when locked in a two-hour+ conversation with one of them and having long reached a state of tetherlessness I started trying to break it down.
"What is the system? What is the error? What is the task and how has it failed?" I asked.
"Due to a system error the task has failed."
"Yes. But I don't know what that means. I need you to explain the words to me. What task has failed?"
Guess what? What it meant was: we've sent a message to the engineers but due to a cock up, the message hasn't got through.
In short, their department was doing nothing because they thought the engineers were dealing with it and the engineers were doing nothing about it because nobody had told them about the problem in the first place. Apparently this was the situation for the first twelve hours... so the first half day was wasted doing nothing.
Of course if they'd had to say, "we failed to pass the message on" it would be like admitting they'd cocked up which, um, they had... and that would involve having to apologise and stuff and it's probably far easier to make it sound like some diagnostic test has let them down by saying, "due to a system error the task has failed"... isn't it?
My other highlight/lowlight is as follows. Each time I spoke to someone on the help desk they would start by scanning through the notes on their system and then say something like:
"I see you have an intermittent loss of service, Mr Gorman...?"
"No," would say I, "I have no service at all..."
"Really? It says here that it's an intermittent fault..."
"Well it isn't... it's a complete loss of connection. Just like I told the last person. And the person before that... and now you."
Then they'd make me perform the same tests as the last person and then they'd conclude that there was indeed no connection and then they'd tell me that the engineers were aware of the fault. Or not. Depending on whether the task had failed or not at that time.
On the fourth day I was speaking to one of the help desk managers and he suddenly said:
"Oh no... what's happened here is that someone's entered the wrong code for your case..."
"What do you mean?"
"It says here you have an intermittent fault..."
"I know... I keep telling you that it isn't..."
"Someone should have changed the code... the engineers won't be able to fix this because they're looking for the wrong thing..."
Four days. Four sodding days. At this point I was thinking about buying a car just so I could hunt Kris Marshall down. At least I would have done if it hadn't been for the assistance of one of you...
In the comments left on my last post someone (perhaps wisely remaining anonymous) said that they worked for BT and then provided me with e-mail addresses for Steve Robertson, the boss of OpenReach (the part of BT that deals with their infrastructure) and Ian Livingston, the Chief Executive Officer of BT... he's been in the job for about two months.
I wrote an e-mail to Steve Robertson. I tried to keep it concise and polite. I tried not to rant about the small details - I'm sure they hear about helpdesk incompetence all the time - so instead I tried to focus on constructive suggestions (why not offer dial-up as a matter of course? how about usb-dongle-modems for longer cases?) while also detailing a couple of specific failings - not of the helpdesk staff but of the helpdesk system.
I didn't think there was much chance of a reply but for the hell of it I cc'd the top dog, Ian Livingston as well.
The e-mail to Steve Robertson bounced back telling me that the domain openreach.com didn't exist. So I tried .co.uk instead. That bounced back telling me there was no such user. Oh well. But - and I'm genuinely surprised by this - Ian Livingston did write back. Or at least someone using his e-mail address did. I'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume it was him. I don't think it's fair to directly quote any correspondence but the gist of it was that most of their broadband issues are sorted quickly, that the suggestion regarding dial-up would be passed on but that the usb-modem suggestion was probably too costly.
I was about to write back to suggest that if the majority of their broadband issues were sorted out really quickly the cost of the usb-modems shouldn't be prohibitive because they'd only have be used in a tiny number of cases... but when I looked at the clock I realised I didn't have time to write that e-mail. Someone from the call centre had promised to call me about half an hour earlier and - as happened every time they promised to call - they'd failed to do so... so I picked up the phone, took a deep breath and launched myself once more into the abyss.
This phone call began with someone telling me that I had an intermittent fault. After ten minutes of pointless conversation I asked to be put through to a manager... who then told me that I had an intermittent fault before going back to square one and repeating the questions that I'd already heard from his colleague...
"Who do I complain to when your department fails to do its job?" I asked.
"I'm a complaints manager," said he.
"Well you're not trying to solve the problem," I said. "You're just giving me the same pointless answers as everyone else... can I please speak to your supervisor."
"I'm a complaints manager."
"Yes, but I don't think you're doing a very good job and I want to complain about you." This was met with silence so I continued. "You must have a boss, right?"
"Mr Gorman, I'm a complaints manager."
"Please just answer the question... do you have a boss?"
"Yes."
"Then can you please put me through to your boss...?"
"I'll just put you on hold." SILENCE. "Thank you for your patience, I'm afraid I am your last port of call."
"But I want to speak to your boss."
"There is no phone number for that. I can't put you through because there's no number."
"Then please ask your boss to come to your phone. That's who I want to speak to."
"I'm your last port of call."
"Please put me through to your supervisor."
"I'm your last port of call."
"Please put me through to your supervisor."
"I'm your last port of call."
"Please put me through to your supervisor."
"I'm your last port of call."
... and so on for a full two or three minutes (I kid you not) before I eventually gave in and put the phone down.
I had a cup of tea and then called again. I got through to a different man - another complaints manager. This conversation stretched to over two hours and it was this conversation that ended up revealing that vital four-day-wrong-code fact.
When this call ended (with the manager promising to call me back later... guess what... it didn't happen) I unplugged my phone and launched the slow, buzzy whirrs that set me limping on to the internet. And then I wrote my reply to the Chief Executive of British Telecom... replying to his points... and then adding the freshly minted information that his staff had spent four days not dealing with my problem at all because they'd failed to diagnose it in the first place.
I don't know if this last e-mail tipped things over the edge or whether the process was already in motion... what I do know is that about three hours later I received a call on my mobile from a man called Chris who told me he was one of BT's Business Improvement Specialists. Ian had called him and told him to fix things. I reckon that when the CEO wants something fixed he speaks to someone with a bit more clout than those I'd been dealing with... Chris was the first person I spoke to who appeared to know what he was talking about.
I don't understand the technical details but he told me that he'd had the engineers dismantle my account and then rebuild it from scratch and that it seemed to have sorted out the problems. It was now possible to log in remotely... but the real test would only come when I tried to log in at home... something I wasn't in a position to try until this evening... when it failed. But Chris had given me his mobile number and in less than ten minutes it was working. Hurrah.
Here's the thing though. I asked Chris if there was anything he'd done that couldn't have been done on day one... he paused... and then told me there wasn't. I think he was able to speak to more qualified engineers more quickly but he assured me that the tools he'd used were all available to the call-centre staff who should have known how to use them...
He wanted to know more about the problems I'd faced. I explained it all. Apparently the company policy is that every case that isn't solved within 48 hours should be automatically escalated. This obviously wasn't done in this case. Apparently it should always be possible to take a case to a higher authority... but no matter how hard I tried it simply wasn't. (Except of course by e-mailing the CEO... and I can't help thinking that everyone involved would prefer it if I could go just one stage higher instead of going straight to the top dog.)
Somewhere there's a team of experts who are meant to be called in whenever a case reaches 48 hours... but as not one of the less qualified staff I spoke to decided to escalate my case even after 96 hours (and I think that includes speaking to 4 managers) it's impossible to imagine this crack squad of engineers actually doing anything. They have their best people sitting on their thumbs while an army of less qualified people sit feeling harassed and exhibiting various blends of disruptive/incompetent and dishonest behaviour.
Apparently "due to a system error the task has failed" is the wording they see on their screen... but they know what it means and they aren't trained to just read the words like a script... or at least they're not supposed to be. And they should have just picked up the phone and passed the message on to the right people instead of just accepting that it hadn't got through and they should have...
Actually, there was a long list of 'they should have's and I genuinely believe that Chris wasn't just saying what he thought I wanted to hear. I'm left with the impression that if their staff followed the correct procedures my problem would have been fixed sooner. Possibly within a day and certainly within two. But I simply don't believe that I got unlucky and ended up speaking to the least able of their staff because I just spoke to too many people and there were too many managers amongst them for that. I didn't get a few rotten apples... the whole system is screwed up. It's obvious that the department isn't adequately trained and/or funded. The correct procedures have been worked out... but nobody's managed to make sure they're actually followed.
I think it's because the vast majority of calls to IT helpdesks probably start with user error. If 95% of calls come from people who've forgotten to plug their computers in then the very basic procedures that are laid out for the helpdesk staff will solve all those problems in minutes. If you were a statistician monitoring that department and you saw that they solved 95% of their problems in a matter of minutes you'd think they were doing a bloody good job.
But what about the 5% of calls from people who have a genuine complaint? Based on my experience they haven't got a hope of having their problems fixed. The call centre staff seem to be stuck in a rut where they will do anything except pass the problem on to an engineer. Of course they're stuck in a rut... they spend 95% of their time telling people to press the 'on' button... the poor souls must be bored out of their minds. How are they supposed to suddenly up their game for that 5% of calls where someone has an actual fault to deal with?
It might look like a really successful department that deals with 95% of problems really well... but in reality it's a woefully inadequate department that fails to deal with 100% of actual complaints.
I can't help thinking there should be a two-tier system in place. Let them have their call-centre and let them locate it wherever in the world they want. Let that call-centre be the first port-of-call for customers... but let that call centre deal only with those calls relating to user-error. The moment it becomes clear that it's not such a case and that the caller is reporting a real somethings-gone-wrong fault they should be put through to a new, more highly trained department. That way, skilled staff aren't wasting time telling idiots that they're monitor is facing the wall and the less technically gifted staff aren't wasting customer's time by telling them that system errors are responsible for tasks failing. Or something.
Anyway... it's a mixed bag of a result. I'm surprised and not a little impressed with Ian Livingston. Whether it was him who replied or not, the fact that someone is monitoring that e-mail account and responding so promptly and politely is to be applauded. Chris was fantastic, proactive and suitably embarrassed by the obviously systemic failure of the department to do what they're supposed to do... He assured me that lessons were being learned as a result. Perhaps I'm naive to believe him... but I don't think so.
Besides, what's the point in being cynical when someone does do and say the right thing? I'm not pretending that everything's now okay just because I've had my problems fixed (and my time and inconvenience sort of compensated for - I should have asked for more).
The helpdesk system that's in place is obviously still a crock. But I really do think that they intend to change things for the better. I wonder how long it will take? I wonder if it will happen at all? I wonder if the problem is caused by a lack of proper investment or management? Or a bit of both? I wonder if they'll be prepared to make the necessary changes. Especially if they cost money. I do believe the right people want the right things to happen... but that doesn't mean they will.
And I wonder if I'm in the wrong game... I should be in business consultancy and BT should be paying me a fortune to overhaul their call centres...
[EDITED TO ADD: this did indeed turn out to be a huge long ramble of a post. The short version is that the fault was fixed after 5 days but only because I managed to e-mail the CEO of BT who - to his credit - took action and got a top trouble-shooter on the job. I believe the system that's in place at the call centres should have resolved the issue in a day or two but that the staff are ridiculously ill-trained. Managers at the call-centre were no more competent than the front line and they blatantly ignored company-policy on several occasions... the long version is below... enter if you dare...]
So... the first thing to say is that I'm now back with my broadband connection. I don't know what the problem was exactly but I do know that it should have been fixed sooner. I spent two days with no connection and three days with a next to useless dial-up connection... that's two days standing besides the information superhighway with my thumb out and then three days sitting in the passenger seat of the beaten up milk float that came to my aid. It wasn't nice. I don't want to go back.
Here are a few snippets of information.
I kept hearing the following phrase:
"Your case has been escalated to the complex faults team but due to a system error the task has failed."
I kept asking the helpdesk staff to explain what this ridiculous sentence meant. On every single occasion, they just repeated the phrase as if repeated listening would make its meaning transparent. Then, when locked in a two-hour+ conversation with one of them and having long reached a state of tetherlessness I started trying to break it down.
"What is the system? What is the error? What is the task and how has it failed?" I asked.
"Due to a system error the task has failed."
"Yes. But I don't know what that means. I need you to explain the words to me. What task has failed?"
Guess what? What it meant was: we've sent a message to the engineers but due to a cock up, the message hasn't got through.
In short, their department was doing nothing because they thought the engineers were dealing with it and the engineers were doing nothing about it because nobody had told them about the problem in the first place. Apparently this was the situation for the first twelve hours... so the first half day was wasted doing nothing.
Of course if they'd had to say, "we failed to pass the message on" it would be like admitting they'd cocked up which, um, they had... and that would involve having to apologise and stuff and it's probably far easier to make it sound like some diagnostic test has let them down by saying, "due to a system error the task has failed"... isn't it?
My other highlight/lowlight is as follows. Each time I spoke to someone on the help desk they would start by scanning through the notes on their system and then say something like:
"I see you have an intermittent loss of service, Mr Gorman...?"
"No," would say I, "I have no service at all..."
"Really? It says here that it's an intermittent fault..."
"Well it isn't... it's a complete loss of connection. Just like I told the last person. And the person before that... and now you."
Then they'd make me perform the same tests as the last person and then they'd conclude that there was indeed no connection and then they'd tell me that the engineers were aware of the fault. Or not. Depending on whether the task had failed or not at that time.
On the fourth day I was speaking to one of the help desk managers and he suddenly said:
"Oh no... what's happened here is that someone's entered the wrong code for your case..."
"What do you mean?"
"It says here you have an intermittent fault..."
"I know... I keep telling you that it isn't..."
"Someone should have changed the code... the engineers won't be able to fix this because they're looking for the wrong thing..."
Four days. Four sodding days. At this point I was thinking about buying a car just so I could hunt Kris Marshall down. At least I would have done if it hadn't been for the assistance of one of you...
In the comments left on my last post someone (perhaps wisely remaining anonymous) said that they worked for BT and then provided me with e-mail addresses for Steve Robertson, the boss of OpenReach (the part of BT that deals with their infrastructure) and Ian Livingston, the Chief Executive Officer of BT... he's been in the job for about two months.
I wrote an e-mail to Steve Robertson. I tried to keep it concise and polite. I tried not to rant about the small details - I'm sure they hear about helpdesk incompetence all the time - so instead I tried to focus on constructive suggestions (why not offer dial-up as a matter of course? how about usb-dongle-modems for longer cases?) while also detailing a couple of specific failings - not of the helpdesk staff but of the helpdesk system.
I didn't think there was much chance of a reply but for the hell of it I cc'd the top dog, Ian Livingston as well.
The e-mail to Steve Robertson bounced back telling me that the domain openreach.com didn't exist. So I tried .co.uk instead. That bounced back telling me there was no such user. Oh well. But - and I'm genuinely surprised by this - Ian Livingston did write back. Or at least someone using his e-mail address did. I'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume it was him. I don't think it's fair to directly quote any correspondence but the gist of it was that most of their broadband issues are sorted quickly, that the suggestion regarding dial-up would be passed on but that the usb-modem suggestion was probably too costly.
I was about to write back to suggest that if the majority of their broadband issues were sorted out really quickly the cost of the usb-modems shouldn't be prohibitive because they'd only have be used in a tiny number of cases... but when I looked at the clock I realised I didn't have time to write that e-mail. Someone from the call centre had promised to call me about half an hour earlier and - as happened every time they promised to call - they'd failed to do so... so I picked up the phone, took a deep breath and launched myself once more into the abyss.
This phone call began with someone telling me that I had an intermittent fault. After ten minutes of pointless conversation I asked to be put through to a manager... who then told me that I had an intermittent fault before going back to square one and repeating the questions that I'd already heard from his colleague...
"Who do I complain to when your department fails to do its job?" I asked.
"I'm a complaints manager," said he.
"Well you're not trying to solve the problem," I said. "You're just giving me the same pointless answers as everyone else... can I please speak to your supervisor."
"I'm a complaints manager."
"Yes, but I don't think you're doing a very good job and I want to complain about you." This was met with silence so I continued. "You must have a boss, right?"
"Mr Gorman, I'm a complaints manager."
"Please just answer the question... do you have a boss?"
"Yes."
"Then can you please put me through to your boss...?"
"I'll just put you on hold." SILENCE. "Thank you for your patience, I'm afraid I am your last port of call."
"But I want to speak to your boss."
"There is no phone number for that. I can't put you through because there's no number."
"Then please ask your boss to come to your phone. That's who I want to speak to."
"I'm your last port of call."
"Please put me through to your supervisor."
"I'm your last port of call."
"Please put me through to your supervisor."
"I'm your last port of call."
"Please put me through to your supervisor."
"I'm your last port of call."
... and so on for a full two or three minutes (I kid you not) before I eventually gave in and put the phone down.
I had a cup of tea and then called again. I got through to a different man - another complaints manager. This conversation stretched to over two hours and it was this conversation that ended up revealing that vital four-day-wrong-code fact.
When this call ended (with the manager promising to call me back later... guess what... it didn't happen) I unplugged my phone and launched the slow, buzzy whirrs that set me limping on to the internet. And then I wrote my reply to the Chief Executive of British Telecom... replying to his points... and then adding the freshly minted information that his staff had spent four days not dealing with my problem at all because they'd failed to diagnose it in the first place.
I don't know if this last e-mail tipped things over the edge or whether the process was already in motion... what I do know is that about three hours later I received a call on my mobile from a man called Chris who told me he was one of BT's Business Improvement Specialists. Ian had called him and told him to fix things. I reckon that when the CEO wants something fixed he speaks to someone with a bit more clout than those I'd been dealing with... Chris was the first person I spoke to who appeared to know what he was talking about.
I don't understand the technical details but he told me that he'd had the engineers dismantle my account and then rebuild it from scratch and that it seemed to have sorted out the problems. It was now possible to log in remotely... but the real test would only come when I tried to log in at home... something I wasn't in a position to try until this evening... when it failed. But Chris had given me his mobile number and in less than ten minutes it was working. Hurrah.
Here's the thing though. I asked Chris if there was anything he'd done that couldn't have been done on day one... he paused... and then told me there wasn't. I think he was able to speak to more qualified engineers more quickly but he assured me that the tools he'd used were all available to the call-centre staff who should have known how to use them...
He wanted to know more about the problems I'd faced. I explained it all. Apparently the company policy is that every case that isn't solved within 48 hours should be automatically escalated. This obviously wasn't done in this case. Apparently it should always be possible to take a case to a higher authority... but no matter how hard I tried it simply wasn't. (Except of course by e-mailing the CEO... and I can't help thinking that everyone involved would prefer it if I could go just one stage higher instead of going straight to the top dog.)
Somewhere there's a team of experts who are meant to be called in whenever a case reaches 48 hours... but as not one of the less qualified staff I spoke to decided to escalate my case even after 96 hours (and I think that includes speaking to 4 managers) it's impossible to imagine this crack squad of engineers actually doing anything. They have their best people sitting on their thumbs while an army of less qualified people sit feeling harassed and exhibiting various blends of disruptive/incompetent and dishonest behaviour.
Apparently "due to a system error the task has failed" is the wording they see on their screen... but they know what it means and they aren't trained to just read the words like a script... or at least they're not supposed to be. And they should have just picked up the phone and passed the message on to the right people instead of just accepting that it hadn't got through and they should have...
Actually, there was a long list of 'they should have's and I genuinely believe that Chris wasn't just saying what he thought I wanted to hear. I'm left with the impression that if their staff followed the correct procedures my problem would have been fixed sooner. Possibly within a day and certainly within two. But I simply don't believe that I got unlucky and ended up speaking to the least able of their staff because I just spoke to too many people and there were too many managers amongst them for that. I didn't get a few rotten apples... the whole system is screwed up. It's obvious that the department isn't adequately trained and/or funded. The correct procedures have been worked out... but nobody's managed to make sure they're actually followed.
I think it's because the vast majority of calls to IT helpdesks probably start with user error. If 95% of calls come from people who've forgotten to plug their computers in then the very basic procedures that are laid out for the helpdesk staff will solve all those problems in minutes. If you were a statistician monitoring that department and you saw that they solved 95% of their problems in a matter of minutes you'd think they were doing a bloody good job.
But what about the 5% of calls from people who have a genuine complaint? Based on my experience they haven't got a hope of having their problems fixed. The call centre staff seem to be stuck in a rut where they will do anything except pass the problem on to an engineer. Of course they're stuck in a rut... they spend 95% of their time telling people to press the 'on' button... the poor souls must be bored out of their minds. How are they supposed to suddenly up their game for that 5% of calls where someone has an actual fault to deal with?
It might look like a really successful department that deals with 95% of problems really well... but in reality it's a woefully inadequate department that fails to deal with 100% of actual complaints.
I can't help thinking there should be a two-tier system in place. Let them have their call-centre and let them locate it wherever in the world they want. Let that call-centre be the first port-of-call for customers... but let that call centre deal only with those calls relating to user-error. The moment it becomes clear that it's not such a case and that the caller is reporting a real somethings-gone-wrong fault they should be put through to a new, more highly trained department. That way, skilled staff aren't wasting time telling idiots that they're monitor is facing the wall and the less technically gifted staff aren't wasting customer's time by telling them that system errors are responsible for tasks failing. Or something.
Anyway... it's a mixed bag of a result. I'm surprised and not a little impressed with Ian Livingston. Whether it was him who replied or not, the fact that someone is monitoring that e-mail account and responding so promptly and politely is to be applauded. Chris was fantastic, proactive and suitably embarrassed by the obviously systemic failure of the department to do what they're supposed to do... He assured me that lessons were being learned as a result. Perhaps I'm naive to believe him... but I don't think so.
Besides, what's the point in being cynical when someone does do and say the right thing? I'm not pretending that everything's now okay just because I've had my problems fixed (and my time and inconvenience sort of compensated for - I should have asked for more).
The helpdesk system that's in place is obviously still a crock. But I really do think that they intend to change things for the better. I wonder how long it will take? I wonder if it will happen at all? I wonder if the problem is caused by a lack of proper investment or management? Or a bit of both? I wonder if they'll be prepared to make the necessary changes. Especially if they cost money. I do believe the right people want the right things to happen... but that doesn't mean they will.
And I wonder if I'm in the wrong game... I should be in business consultancy and BT should be paying me a fortune to overhaul their call centres...
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
BT (Hello Geoff)
I am currently connected to the internet using a dial up connection. It's not very good. I'm not a violent man but right now I would cheerfully hurt someone from BT.
In fact my sense of proportion has diminished to the point where I can't work out if it would be in particularly bad taste to suggest that running Kris Marshall over again would be, well, satisfying. Probably.
Still, if he will advertise BT's services - and the latest ad does start with some line about how there's nothing more annoying than a bad internet connection - then bad taste or not, he's only got himself to blame for my disproportionate rage. He's lucky I gave up car ownership a while ago... mind you, if I see him when I'm cycling I might be tempted to give it a go.
Did I mention that my broadband access disappeared three days ago.
I was told it would take 2 days to fix. It didn't. I was told someone would call me with more information when they had it. They didn't. In the last three days, I have spent around 5 hours on the phone to various BT help-desk operatives. They all say the same thing. "The complex engineering team are still dealing with the task." (It's almost as if they're reading a script!!!1!)
Apparently it is going to take four days and not two. Who knows, when the four days are up they might tell me it's going to take another two days? Or another four. It's hard to know when they've already been wrong and nobody is able to describe the mysterious task that is being undertaken.
I have repeatedly asked if there is any way of getting internet access in the mean time. I have repeatedly been told that it can't be done. Which isn't true. You know those usb-modems...? They connect to the internet using a sim-card and a mobile phone line. No landline necessary. No landline = no faulty line-card at the exchange. Easy. I don't understand why BT can't provide me with one of those for a few days. Y'know, just until they've fixed the problem. That they've given me. But when I suggest this to someone on the help desk it seems to fry their brain.
It's impossible to speak to anyone who's actual job is to try and actually solve the actual problem. The poor souls aren't allowed to use their imagination; the rules have been laid out and the policy has been decided. The fact that it's technically possible to provide a temporary solution is beside the point because the customer is unable to speak to anyone who can actually make such a daring decision. But why? How often are they letting people down for more than a day? How much would it cost them to patch up the service in this way? How much profit are they making from each broadband customer in the first place? How much nicer would it be to work on the help desk if you were able to say, "Unfortunately, while our engineers will try to solve the problem as soon as possible, there's no way for us to know exactly how long it will take... but, we're going to try and get you a usb-modem for tomorrow morning which means you won't be without access for long..." Instead of being the frustrating wall that stands between the customer and the facts, you'd be the hero, saving the day as best you can. Their calls would be shorter, so they'd deal with more customers too...
Instead, I've ended up stubbornly locked in eternally looping conversations, both parties growing more frustrated by the second; me because they won't help and the help-desk fella because he can't.
Do you want to help me solve the problem?
Yes.
You know those usb modems that provide mobile internet access?
Yes.
One of those would solve the problem wouldn't it?
um...
Wouldn't it?
... well...
It would wouldn't it?
Yes.
So... can you, BT, provide me with one?
No.
Why not?
Because that's not my department.
So whose department is it?
...um...
Could you put me through to the person who is able to make that decision?
I don't think anyone can?
Of course they can. It's possible. The things exist. Someone somewhere makes decisions.
I don't think that's how we deal with the problem...
I can see that. But so far you haven't dealt with the problem. Have you?
um...
Have you?
Well...
It's still not fixed is it?
No.
You know those usb modems that provide mobile internet access?
Yes.
One of those would solve the problem wouldn't it?
um...
Wouldn't it?
... well...
It would wouldn't it?
Yes.
You can get a courtesy car when your motor is crocked so why not a courtesy internet connection? Especially when the bit that's broken down is at their end of things.
After two days of asking they relented inasmuch as they've provided me with this dial-up connection. Initially, I was told that even that wasn't possible... but it was wasn't it?
In fact my sense of proportion has diminished to the point where I can't work out if it would be in particularly bad taste to suggest that running Kris Marshall over again would be, well, satisfying. Probably.
Still, if he will advertise BT's services - and the latest ad does start with some line about how there's nothing more annoying than a bad internet connection - then bad taste or not, he's only got himself to blame for my disproportionate rage. He's lucky I gave up car ownership a while ago... mind you, if I see him when I'm cycling I might be tempted to give it a go.
Did I mention that my broadband access disappeared three days ago.
I was told it would take 2 days to fix. It didn't. I was told someone would call me with more information when they had it. They didn't. In the last three days, I have spent around 5 hours on the phone to various BT help-desk operatives. They all say the same thing. "The complex engineering team are still dealing with the task." (It's almost as if they're reading a script!!!1!)
Apparently it is going to take four days and not two. Who knows, when the four days are up they might tell me it's going to take another two days? Or another four. It's hard to know when they've already been wrong and nobody is able to describe the mysterious task that is being undertaken.
I have repeatedly asked if there is any way of getting internet access in the mean time. I have repeatedly been told that it can't be done. Which isn't true. You know those usb-modems...? They connect to the internet using a sim-card and a mobile phone line. No landline necessary. No landline = no faulty line-card at the exchange. Easy. I don't understand why BT can't provide me with one of those for a few days. Y'know, just until they've fixed the problem. That they've given me. But when I suggest this to someone on the help desk it seems to fry their brain.
It's impossible to speak to anyone who's actual job is to try and actually solve the actual problem. The poor souls aren't allowed to use their imagination; the rules have been laid out and the policy has been decided. The fact that it's technically possible to provide a temporary solution is beside the point because the customer is unable to speak to anyone who can actually make such a daring decision. But why? How often are they letting people down for more than a day? How much would it cost them to patch up the service in this way? How much profit are they making from each broadband customer in the first place? How much nicer would it be to work on the help desk if you were able to say, "Unfortunately, while our engineers will try to solve the problem as soon as possible, there's no way for us to know exactly how long it will take... but, we're going to try and get you a usb-modem for tomorrow morning which means you won't be without access for long..." Instead of being the frustrating wall that stands between the customer and the facts, you'd be the hero, saving the day as best you can. Their calls would be shorter, so they'd deal with more customers too...
Instead, I've ended up stubbornly locked in eternally looping conversations, both parties growing more frustrated by the second; me because they won't help and the help-desk fella because he can't.
Do you want to help me solve the problem?
Yes.
You know those usb modems that provide mobile internet access?
Yes.
One of those would solve the problem wouldn't it?
um...
Wouldn't it?
... well...
It would wouldn't it?
Yes.
So... can you, BT, provide me with one?
No.
Why not?
Because that's not my department.
So whose department is it?
...um...
Could you put me through to the person who is able to make that decision?
I don't think anyone can?
Of course they can. It's possible. The things exist. Someone somewhere makes decisions.
I don't think that's how we deal with the problem...
I can see that. But so far you haven't dealt with the problem. Have you?
um...
Have you?
Well...
It's still not fixed is it?
No.
You know those usb modems that provide mobile internet access?
Yes.
One of those would solve the problem wouldn't it?
um...
Wouldn't it?
... well...
It would wouldn't it?
Yes.
You can get a courtesy car when your motor is crocked so why not a courtesy internet connection? Especially when the bit that's broken down is at their end of things.
After two days of asking they relented inasmuch as they've provided me with this dial-up connection. Initially, I was told that even that wasn't possible... but it was wasn't it?
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Latitude
Latitude turned out to be great fun. I enjoyed camping. Mostly. I didn't mind the cold and the wet. Or the rough ground. But I could do without someone in the next-but-one tent starting a banjo sing-along for his mates at 5 in the morning.
I started to get paranoid that nobody would be attending my event. It was scheduled at the same time as Blondie, Interpol and The Tindersticks and I was convinced they'd mop up and leave nobody left for me. Blondie would have got my vote. As it was the audience spilled out way beyond the bounds of the Literature Tent and there was a great energy in the event from the start.
Thanks to everyone who came along... thanks to you, my already-hugely-enjoyable festival ended on a real personal high. Ta.
I was even more surprised by the size of the queue at the signing tent afterwards. The organisers had obviously underestimated the turn out too because they sold out of books long before the queue was even down to half its original size.
The journey home was a bit of an ordeal. Somehow a journey that should take less than three hours ended up taking nearer seven. There was a lot of queueing.
Question: If Beef Flavoured Hula Hoops are suitable for vegetarians... how can they advertise them as "containing no artificial flavours"?
I started to get paranoid that nobody would be attending my event. It was scheduled at the same time as Blondie, Interpol and The Tindersticks and I was convinced they'd mop up and leave nobody left for me. Blondie would have got my vote. As it was the audience spilled out way beyond the bounds of the Literature Tent and there was a great energy in the event from the start. Thanks to everyone who came along... thanks to you, my already-hugely-enjoyable festival ended on a real personal high. Ta.
I was even more surprised by the size of the queue at the signing tent afterwards. The organisers had obviously underestimated the turn out too because they sold out of books long before the queue was even down to half its original size.
The journey home was a bit of an ordeal. Somehow a journey that should take less than three hours ended up taking nearer seven. There was a lot of queueing.
Question: If Beef Flavoured Hula Hoops are suitable for vegetarians... how can they advertise them as "containing no artificial flavours"?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)