Sweatshop

Prob go down bout 7, originally uploaded by Dave Gorman.

I saw this on Bethnal Green Road

Team Genius Needs You

I'm really delighted to say that a new series of Genius is in the offing. The dates for the recordings aren't sorted out yet but the series is confirmed and that means we're on the lookout for new ideas of genius. If you have an idea for the show, take a quick trip to the Genius website and send it our way.

Unfortunately not everyone seems to be able to follow that simple instruction. This morning I received an e-mail from someone saying, "Hi Dave... I see that you're looking for new ideas for Genius and I have one. I didn't want to send it to the BBC address, I thought I'd cut out the middle man and send it straight to you..."

Oh dear... I'm afraid this is a surefire way to guarantee that your idea doesn't make it on to the show.

There are many people in Team Genius (they all have beards and so are deemed trustworthy) but I am probably the least organised of the lot. The chances of me interrupting my work (have I mentioned that I'm writing a book?)(slowly) to read your e-mail and then send it on to the rest of the team are slim to nil... especially when you've spurned the chance to send it to the team in the first place. I think it's probably a self-editing process mind... I mean, if you are a genius, you can probably work this out for yourself right?

There was an advert on TV earlier. I'm sure I heard the tagline "The whole world has a pulse... now, so does a toothbrush." How are we supposed to make Genius when this actually exists in the world? �

Donny Osmond!

It's been a while since I last updated this page. That's because my days are all pretty much the same and a procession of entries where I write I wrote some of my book today or I didn't write much of my book today would be a bit, well, repetitive.

But I'm sure a few things have happened. They must have done. I have recently changed my Internet Service Provider after many years of being with the increasingly lacklustre virgin.net and I'm shocked by quite what an improvement BT have been. Not only has their service been trouble free so far but it was incredibly easy to set up and they did sensible things like use registered post to ensure that the change over from one to the other on the right day so that I wasn't subjected to anything as unpleasant as an internet free day. Hurrah for them. Yaboo sucks to virgin.net who were driving me up the wall with their poor service. Of course what makes the BT package even more attractive other than, y'know, it working, is that it takes the form of a shiny plastic box which looks nice next to my shiny white plastic Mac. I'm a tart.

The only thing that makes me feel a little unhappy about the change over is that it was kick-started by a cold call from BT. This worries me. Normally when the phone rings and I hear someone asking one of those, "Have you thought about double glazing?"/"If you had £5000 to spend on your home, what would you spend it on?"/"Have you had a holiday this year yet, Mr Homeowner?" type questions I have no qualms about just putting the phone down. Manners are important and much underrated in this world but not with the direct marketing telephone call. There is no "I'm sorry, not today" from me, I just put the phone down. I'm sure they don't take it personally as I'm sure most of them know they're doing the devil's work already.

Anyway... for a long time the thought, "Virgin are dreadful... I really ought to change my ISP" had been randomly popping into my head and I'd done nothing about it because it would always be followed by another thought like, "Ooo, I could do with a cup of tea" or "I'd better keep writing, I'm still only on Chapter 5" and so it would drift away as quickly as it arrived. Then one day, the phone rang and the voice on the end said, "Are you thinking of changing your internet service provider?" and I surprised myself by not putting the phone down and instead I said, "Erm... yes, I am actually..." I think the phone didn't go back in its cradle because I was still wondering how the girl on the end of the phone knew what I was thinking. You can cheerfully be rude to a cold-caller... but not to a mind-reading-cold-caller: they know stuff.

But now I'm worried that I've sent a little message to the world that this kind of tactic works. Surely this will only encourage more cold-calling in the future. I feel guilty. Sorry about that. I wish I'd just got off my arse and made the arrangements myself some time ago instead. Heigh ho.

I'm sure Richard Branson will read this and be really worried about the little kicking I'm giving to the Virgin.Net wing of his empire. Yeah. I'm a crusading consumer putting the boot into any company that treats me badly just like Michael Winner does (or did) in his column that he might or might not still be writing. Be warned utility providers, your cards are marked. Which reminds me... British Gas... you've failed to turn up for three appointments so far. It's no use turning up 4 hours late and then sending me a letter to tell me I wasn't in... that's what appointments are for. Grrr. I like this new style. (Maybe they can bring back That's Life and I can be one of Esther's new team of presenters? Maybe not.)

I went to see the Inspiral Carpets last night at the Shepherds Bush Empire. They were fab. I first saw them when I was 18 and they played my Fresher's Ball at Manchester University. It was meant to be Then Jericho, but their lead singer was beaten up the day before and so the Inspirals stood in at short notice. They were great then and they were great last night.

But how's this for a weekend of contrasts... after spending last night enjoying a sweaty night of great music and Mancolgia I was up early this morning and on my way to Wembley where I was filming two episodes of The Pyramid Game with Donny Osmond. You read that right: I said, Donny and I said Osmond. There are some offers you can't refuse and the chance to work with the D.O. is one of them.

Lonely Chair

Chair, originally uploaded by Dave Gorman.

Are You DVD Gorman?

I've had a busy few days promoting the DVD release of Are You Dave Gorman? which means I've been popping up in all sorts of radio and TV shows. It's been a bit odd and time-warpy suddenly having to promote something that I haven't had to talk about for a long time. It's a show I'm very proud of and I've no doubt that it will cast a shadow over everything else I do for a very long time to come. I'm more comfortable with that now than I was a couple of years ago.

There was a time when I felt a little trapped by the show because every offer that seemed to come in was relating to it in some way. For me, it was just one of many storytelling shows I'd done but because it was the first one that I allowed to transfer to TV there were loads of people out there who thought it was the first and only thing I'd ever done.

Actually, I think there are still people out there who think that.

At the time, I (obviously) hoped people would like the series and think, 'That's a funny story, well told. I wonder what other stories he might have up his sleeve' but instead it felt like people thought, 'Ha ha... that man is obsessed with his namesakes... I hope he finds some more... he is the namesake-man and must live forever on a permanent namesake hunting quest because THAT is what he does.'

I got offered loads of money to licence 'Stop Me If You're A Dave Gorman' T-shirts and other nonsensical merchandise that would have encouraged the idea that I was looking for every Dave Gorman in the world - something that the show had never claimed because... well, because it wasn't true. I was offered walk-on parts in all sorts of stuff where the basic premise always seemed to be the same: I turn up at the door, ask if there's anyone called Dave Gorman there and then leave when they tell me there isn't. I hated it all and said no to everything.

I think if I'd done it I would have been selling a cartoonish version of myself, sort of like when a David Dickinson character suddenly bubbles up to the surface for a year or two and makes a fortune running around the world saying 'Cheap as chips!' and 'Bobby Dazzler' for anyone who'll pay him. It's bound to exhaust itself isn't it? Isn't it? I mean it's obvious that it's just a facade. The whole point about the show was that it was a true story so carrying on with it after it was over in some weird fake way would only serve to undo the whole thing in time.

Maybe I'd be living in a bigger house right now if I'd taken the shilling and sold that version of myself to the world but I doubt I'd be very happy and I doubt I'd be very employable either. You could hardly convince an audience you had another true story to tell them if you'd spent two or three years obviously pretending to be something you're not.

Looking back I think the pressure was really on the Googlewhack Adventure show to compete with it in some way. As both a stageshow and a book it was more successful in any measurable way so I guess it did compete - as well as directly railing against the perception of me as one of those (shudder) wacky-bet-guys. (Self-indulgent? Me? Surely not.)

I think my inbox is probably as good a guide as any as to what projects dominate people's imaginations and from the day Are You Dave Gorman? first started on BBC2 my inbox was just flooded with e-mails relating to that one show. Even right through the broadcast of my Important Astrology Experiment, it was namesakes-related e-mails that kept on flooding in... despite the fact that I wasn't doing anything to stoke the fire.

Since the Googlewhack Adventure though things have been different... I get more e-mails about that than anything else these days, quite a few about Genius, The Daily Show and what have you and while there are always a fair few asking about Are You Dave Gorman? they tend to be asking more sensible questions about it and are less obsessed by the idea that I'm obsessed with it than they once were. It all makes the release of the DVD a much happier thing for me because it no longer feels like I'm selling the idea that this-is-all-I-do... instead I'm just glad that a show I'm really very proud of is out there for anyone who wants it. I'd hate for it to disappear completely... I just don't want it to be the only thing I appear to have done.

Oh yeah... and it's quite close to the railway.

Oh yeah... and it's quite close to the railway., originally uploaded by Dave Gorman.

CCTV

CCTV, originally uploaded by Dave Gorman.

Tesco, Bethnal Green.