I am currently connected to the internet using a dial up connection. It's not very good. I'm not a violent man but right now I would cheerfully hurt someone from BT.
In fact my sense of proportion has diminished to the point where I can't work out if it would be in particularly bad taste to suggest that running Kris Marshall over again would be, well, satisfying. Probably.
Still, if he will advertise BT's services - and the latest ad does start with some line about how there's nothing more annoying than a bad internet connection - then bad taste or not, he's only got himself to blame for my disproportionate rage. He's lucky I gave up car ownership a while ago... mind you, if I see him when I'm cycling I might be tempted to give it a go.
Did I mention that my broadband access disappeared three days ago.
I was told it would take 2 days to fix. It didn't. I was told someone would call me with more information when they had it. They didn't. In the last three days, I have spent around 5 hours on the phone to various BT help-desk operatives. They all say the same thing. "The complex engineering team are still dealing with the task." (It's almost as if they're reading a script!!!1!)
Apparently it is going to take four days and not two. Who knows, when the four days are up they might tell me it's going to take another two days? Or another four. It's hard to know when they've already been wrong and nobody is able to describe the mysterious task that is being undertaken.
I have repeatedly asked if there is any way of getting internet access in the mean time. I have repeatedly been told that it can't be done. Which isn't true. You know those usb-modems...? They connect to the internet using a sim-card and a mobile phone line. No landline necessary. No landline = no faulty line-card at the exchange. Easy. I don't understand why BT can't provide me with one of those for a few days. Y'know, just until they've fixed the problem. That they've given me. But when I suggest this to someone on the help desk it seems to fry their brain.
It's impossible to speak to anyone who's actual job is to try and actually solve the actual problem. The poor souls aren't allowed to use their imagination; the rules have been laid out and the policy has been decided. The fact that it's technically possible to provide a temporary solution is beside the point because the customer is unable to speak to anyone who can actually make such a daring decision. But why? How often are they letting people down for more than a day? How much would it cost them to patch up the service in this way? How much profit are they making from each broadband customer in the first place? How much nicer would it be to work on the help desk if you were able to say, "Unfortunately, while our engineers will try to solve the problem as soon as possible, there's no way for us to know exactly how long it will take... but, we're going to try and get you a usb-modem for tomorrow morning which means you won't be without access for long..." Instead of being the frustrating wall that stands between the customer and the facts, you'd be the hero, saving the day as best you can. Their calls would be shorter, so they'd deal with more customers too...
Instead, I've ended up stubbornly locked in eternally looping conversations, both parties growing more frustrated by the second; me because they won't help and the help-desk fella because he can't.
Do you want to help me solve the problem?
Yes.
You know those usb modems that provide mobile internet access?
Yes.
One of those would solve the problem wouldn't it?
um...
Wouldn't it?
... well...
It would wouldn't it?
Yes.
So... can you, BT, provide me with one?
No.
Why not?
Because that's not my department.
So whose department is it?
...um...
Could you put me through to the person who is able to make that decision?
I don't think anyone can?
Of course they can. It's possible. The things exist. Someone somewhere makes decisions.
I don't think that's how we deal with the problem...
I can see that. But so far you haven't dealt with the problem. Have you?
um...
Have you?
Well...
It's still not fixed is it?
No.
You know those usb modems that provide mobile internet access?
Yes.
One of those would solve the problem wouldn't it?
um...
Wouldn't it?
... well...
It would wouldn't it?
Yes.
You can get a courtesy car when your motor is crocked so why not a courtesy internet connection? Especially when the bit that's broken down is at their end of things.
After two days of asking they relented inasmuch as they've provided me with this dial-up connection. Initially, I was told that even that wasn't possible... but it was wasn't it?
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Latitude
Latitude turned out to be great fun. I enjoyed camping. Mostly. I didn't mind the cold and the wet. Or the rough ground. But I could do without someone in the next-but-one tent starting a banjo sing-along for his mates at 5 in the morning.
I started to get paranoid that nobody would be attending my event. It was scheduled at the same time as Blondie, Interpol and The Tindersticks and I was convinced they'd mop up and leave nobody left for me. Blondie would have got my vote. As it was the audience spilled out way beyond the bounds of the Literature Tent and there was a great energy in the event from the start.
Thanks to everyone who came along... thanks to you, my already-hugely-enjoyable festival ended on a real personal high. Ta.
I was even more surprised by the size of the queue at the signing tent afterwards. The organisers had obviously underestimated the turn out too because they sold out of books long before the queue was even down to half its original size.
The journey home was a bit of an ordeal. Somehow a journey that should take less than three hours ended up taking nearer seven. There was a lot of queueing.
Question: If Beef Flavoured Hula Hoops are suitable for vegetarians... how can they advertise them as "containing no artificial flavours"?
I started to get paranoid that nobody would be attending my event. It was scheduled at the same time as Blondie, Interpol and The Tindersticks and I was convinced they'd mop up and leave nobody left for me. Blondie would have got my vote. As it was the audience spilled out way beyond the bounds of the Literature Tent and there was a great energy in the event from the start. Thanks to everyone who came along... thanks to you, my already-hugely-enjoyable festival ended on a real personal high. Ta.
I was even more surprised by the size of the queue at the signing tent afterwards. The organisers had obviously underestimated the turn out too because they sold out of books long before the queue was even down to half its original size.
The journey home was a bit of an ordeal. Somehow a journey that should take less than three hours ended up taking nearer seven. There was a lot of queueing.
Question: If Beef Flavoured Hula Hoops are suitable for vegetarians... how can they advertise them as "containing no artificial flavours"?
Friday, July 18, 2008
Oh... I forgot to mention...
... when I was on the way to Tewkesbury I passed these two motorcycling bears...
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Rome. Then Tewkesbury. Latitude next.
My three days in Rome were... a little strange. If you've never been to Rome but want to know what it's like, get a kazoo, then blow into it while watching this slideshow.
That's pretty much it.
It didn't start well. For various reasons (90% personal disorganisation, 10% HSBC being crap) I didn't finish packing for Rome until 3 in the morning. Which was always going to be tricky when I had a car booked to take me to Heathrow at 6.15. I set my alarm for 5.45 - gulp, less than 3 hours sleep - and went out like a light.
At times like this I always put my alarm clock somewhere that can't be reached without getting out of bed. It's a good job too. I don't think I'd have got up otherwise. As it was, I was up, dressed and clean and raring to go by 6.10. I was knackered obviously, but at least I'd done the hard part. I knew the driver would ring the doorbell so with my suitcase at my side I took a quick nap and rested my eyes to wait.
Cut to 7am. I woke up and looked at the time. A quick panic. Had the doorbell gone without me noticing it? Was there a driver sitting outside patiently waiting for me to show my face? Surely they'd have rung me if they'd got here and found nobody answering the door... wouldn't they?
I leaped up and took a look outside. Nobody waiting. I rifled through my hand luggage to find the number for the car company and gave them a call. I've since seen the e-mail that confirmed the booking, it was definitely meant to be a 6.15 pick up in order to get me to the airport for 7.15... but they were expecting to pick me up at 7.15. An hour late. Oops.
Oddly, having discovered that it wasn't my fault I felt kind of relaxed about things. If I'd slept through phone calls and doorbells it would have been my fault and I'd have been stressing about missing my flight. As it was, it was someone else's fault so I decided to be Zen about it. If I missed my flight - which seemed likely - it would be someone else's problem to solve.
The driver turned out to be waiting in a cafe about 5 minutes away so he rushed out and was with me before 7... and we began the hurried drive across London. One of the problems with London is the traffic. From my place to Heathrow might take an hour when there's no traffic - as you might find if you were setting off at 6.15 on a weekday morning for example - but as people start motoring into the city to get to their offices - as they do nearer 8 o'clock - it's always going to take a little longer. Several years ago I had a cab to Heathrow take me over 3 hours. It's an unpredictable beast.
The driver did his best and we were there in about 1hr 15 minutes. I leaped out of the car, (I did a lot of leaping that day) grabbed my bag and into the notorious Terminal 5 convinced that I was chasing a lost cause. It was nearly 8.30 and the gate was supposed to close at 8.50. I saw huge queues for every check in desk and thought I had no chance.
I don't quite know how it happened. Maybe Terminal 5 has teethed and started to function the way it's supposed to. It took me less than 15 minutes to get through check-in and security and get to the gate. I was worried that my bag wasn't going to get on the plane but I checked at the gate and they confirmed that it was there. Remarkable. I breathed a sigh of relief - the fact that I hadn't had time to eat anything, buy a newspaper or exchange any money was a minor niggle - but at least I was going to get my flight.
Ten minutes later they made an announcement. The flight was delayed. By over an hour. Harumph.
Rome itself was strange. I was there because the documentary, America Unchained, had been selected for the RomaFiction film festival. But as nice as the festival staff were I found the whole affair to be strangely unfathomable. I wouldn't really describe it as a film festival as it seemed to be mostly concerned with TV shows. I think C.S.I. New York is a very well made piece of television but I'm confused as to why a festival would choose to screen episodes 11 and 13 from Season 4... especially when it's already shown on Italian TV. Much as I enjoyed watching it, I was similarly confused by the inclusion of the first episode of The Six Million Dollar Man. Odd.
I was joined on day two by Andy - the film's producer and press-ganged, second-half director - and we trolled around a bit seeing some sights. I've heard spectacular things about Rome but I'm afraid I didn't like it all that much. It's like visiting Disneyland only with real history to look at. Wherever you go there are 500 other tourists in the way... and of course, you become one of the 500 tourists who are in someone else's way. Yes the Trevi Fountain is spectacular, but am I the only one who feels a bit deflated by the presence of a the Trevi Steakhouse a hundred yards away? Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed myself, the weather was spectacular and we dined extremely well, but it didn't have the relaxed charm that I've experienced in other big European cities. Berlin, Stockholm - even Paris - all attract huge numbers of tourists without feeling quite so compromised as Rome did. Oh well.
Near the top of this week's to-do list were the words 'Buy A Tent.' Or at least they would have been if I was the kind of person to actually write out a to-do list. It was definitely something I needed to do in preparation for Latitude. I'm doing a book reading in the Literature Tent on Sunday night but will be camping at the festival for the weekend. Which obviously requires a tent. Or Rome-style weather. Which is unlikely. Certainly better to have a tent.
While I was in Rome a friend got in touch and invited me to come along to the Tewkesbury Medieval Festival on Saturday night. They're in a band - Circulus - who were performing and there was room in the tour bus if I wanted to tag along. It seemed like a fun idea. And it seemed like a good way of road-testing my camping ability. So while I only got back from Rome at about 10pm I was up early and straight out to buy a tent first thing on Saturday morning... and then on the road to Tewkesbury.
The festival takes place on part of the site of a battle dating back to 1471. They do a battle reenactment in the afternoon and then have lots of entertainment in the evening. We missed the reenactment (although, I think the Yorkists won. Again!...) but the gig that night was spectacularly good fun. When 70% of the audience are tanked up on mead and wearing medieval garb then medieval-folk-prog-rock is the order of the day and that makes Circulus ideal.
Doing something so different so soon after my trip to Rome made the Italian jaunt feel very distant. I didn't feel like I'd been drinking cocktails beside the Tiber the day before... it felt like a month had passed.
Still, my fears about camping were assuaged. It's been over 20 years since I spent a night under canvas. On that occasion my companions and I were eventually chased off the site by an angry farmer and his three slavering alsatians so it was nice to have a happier experience this time. I've made my peace with camping. Latitude here I come.
That's pretty much it.
It didn't start well. For various reasons (90% personal disorganisation, 10% HSBC being crap) I didn't finish packing for Rome until 3 in the morning. Which was always going to be tricky when I had a car booked to take me to Heathrow at 6.15. I set my alarm for 5.45 - gulp, less than 3 hours sleep - and went out like a light.
At times like this I always put my alarm clock somewhere that can't be reached without getting out of bed. It's a good job too. I don't think I'd have got up otherwise. As it was, I was up, dressed and clean and raring to go by 6.10. I was knackered obviously, but at least I'd done the hard part. I knew the driver would ring the doorbell so with my suitcase at my side I took a quick nap and rested my eyes to wait.
Cut to 7am. I woke up and looked at the time. A quick panic. Had the doorbell gone without me noticing it? Was there a driver sitting outside patiently waiting for me to show my face? Surely they'd have rung me if they'd got here and found nobody answering the door... wouldn't they?
I leaped up and took a look outside. Nobody waiting. I rifled through my hand luggage to find the number for the car company and gave them a call. I've since seen the e-mail that confirmed the booking, it was definitely meant to be a 6.15 pick up in order to get me to the airport for 7.15... but they were expecting to pick me up at 7.15. An hour late. Oops.
Oddly, having discovered that it wasn't my fault I felt kind of relaxed about things. If I'd slept through phone calls and doorbells it would have been my fault and I'd have been stressing about missing my flight. As it was, it was someone else's fault so I decided to be Zen about it. If I missed my flight - which seemed likely - it would be someone else's problem to solve.
The driver turned out to be waiting in a cafe about 5 minutes away so he rushed out and was with me before 7... and we began the hurried drive across London. One of the problems with London is the traffic. From my place to Heathrow might take an hour when there's no traffic - as you might find if you were setting off at 6.15 on a weekday morning for example - but as people start motoring into the city to get to their offices - as they do nearer 8 o'clock - it's always going to take a little longer. Several years ago I had a cab to Heathrow take me over 3 hours. It's an unpredictable beast.
The driver did his best and we were there in about 1hr 15 minutes. I leaped out of the car, (I did a lot of leaping that day) grabbed my bag and into the notorious Terminal 5 convinced that I was chasing a lost cause. It was nearly 8.30 and the gate was supposed to close at 8.50. I saw huge queues for every check in desk and thought I had no chance.
I don't quite know how it happened. Maybe Terminal 5 has teethed and started to function the way it's supposed to. It took me less than 15 minutes to get through check-in and security and get to the gate. I was worried that my bag wasn't going to get on the plane but I checked at the gate and they confirmed that it was there. Remarkable. I breathed a sigh of relief - the fact that I hadn't had time to eat anything, buy a newspaper or exchange any money was a minor niggle - but at least I was going to get my flight.
Ten minutes later they made an announcement. The flight was delayed. By over an hour. Harumph.
Rome itself was strange. I was there because the documentary, America Unchained, had been selected for the RomaFiction film festival. But as nice as the festival staff were I found the whole affair to be strangely unfathomable. I wouldn't really describe it as a film festival as it seemed to be mostly concerned with TV shows. I think C.S.I. New York is a very well made piece of television but I'm confused as to why a festival would choose to screen episodes 11 and 13 from Season 4... especially when it's already shown on Italian TV. Much as I enjoyed watching it, I was similarly confused by the inclusion of the first episode of The Six Million Dollar Man. Odd.
I was joined on day two by Andy - the film's producer and press-ganged, second-half director - and we trolled around a bit seeing some sights. I've heard spectacular things about Rome but I'm afraid I didn't like it all that much. It's like visiting Disneyland only with real history to look at. Wherever you go there are 500 other tourists in the way... and of course, you become one of the 500 tourists who are in someone else's way. Yes the Trevi Fountain is spectacular, but am I the only one who feels a bit deflated by the presence of a the Trevi Steakhouse a hundred yards away? Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed myself, the weather was spectacular and we dined extremely well, but it didn't have the relaxed charm that I've experienced in other big European cities. Berlin, Stockholm - even Paris - all attract huge numbers of tourists without feeling quite so compromised as Rome did. Oh well.
Near the top of this week's to-do list were the words 'Buy A Tent.' Or at least they would have been if I was the kind of person to actually write out a to-do list. It was definitely something I needed to do in preparation for Latitude. I'm doing a book reading in the Literature Tent on Sunday night but will be camping at the festival for the weekend. Which obviously requires a tent. Or Rome-style weather. Which is unlikely. Certainly better to have a tent.
While I was in Rome a friend got in touch and invited me to come along to the Tewkesbury Medieval Festival on Saturday night. They're in a band - Circulus - who were performing and there was room in the tour bus if I wanted to tag along. It seemed like a fun idea. And it seemed like a good way of road-testing my camping ability. So while I only got back from Rome at about 10pm I was up early and straight out to buy a tent first thing on Saturday morning... and then on the road to Tewkesbury.
The festival takes place on part of the site of a battle dating back to 1471. They do a battle reenactment in the afternoon and then have lots of entertainment in the evening. We missed the reenactment (although, I think the Yorkists won. Again!...) but the gig that night was spectacularly good fun. When 70% of the audience are tanked up on mead and wearing medieval garb then medieval-folk-prog-rock is the order of the day and that makes Circulus ideal.
Doing something so different so soon after my trip to Rome made the Italian jaunt feel very distant. I didn't feel like I'd been drinking cocktails beside the Tiber the day before... it felt like a month had passed.
Still, my fears about camping were assuaged. It's been over 20 years since I spent a night under canvas. On that occasion my companions and I were eventually chased off the site by an angry farmer and his three slavering alsatians so it was nice to have a happier experience this time. I've made my peace with camping. Latitude here I come.
Monday, July 7, 2008
Friday, June 27, 2008
Hello
I haven't posted anything for a while. I hadn't realised it but I think I've been on holiday. Not that I've gone anywhere - although I have popped down to the seaside briefly - just that I haven't been doing any proper work. Which has been lovely. And probably much needed too.
There are a couple of things to say... one of which is probably quite boring so I'll start with the not-boring bit. Somebody sent me a link to this clip someone has made using the sound from one of the ideas on Genius... and I really like what they've done.
Maybe this is what we should do for the TV version. Instead of making it in a TV studio, maybe we should just get them to add still pictures to the audio. I really like it.
But then again, maybe not... I think people will have a reasonable expectation that they'll be able to see the actual show. The filming dates for the series aren't finalised but I expect it to happen in September/October. I'll be sure to let my mailing list know as soon as the tickets are released.
More importantly, we need more people like Stephen Elsby of Swindon to get in touch with their ideas. We can't make a series of Genius if potential Geniuses don't send in their ideas... personally, I think everyone has a genius idea in them, so visit bbc.co.uk/genius and let us know about your particular brainwave...
Now... the boring bit.
I don't really understand how these things work but for many years there's been a forum on my website. I don't pay it an awful lot of attention but one of the things I like about it is that isn't meant to be a place for people to discuss me... it's just a place for people to chat.
But in the last few weeks it's been attacked by bots. Like I say, I don't know how these things work and with most things relating to my website my understanding expands to take in just as much as I need to know and nothing more. What I do know is that just as some people make a living by bombarding us all with spam, so some people make a living by trying to improve the visibility of their websites. I suppose that if your website sells something or makes ad revenue or whatever then the more people that find it the better. So they try to con search engines into thinking it's a more relevant page than it is by creating lots of pages full of links to their sites.
The forum I was using on my site was quite old and insecure and it meant that computer-bots could automatically sign up for accounts. Even though it needed a real life person to completely authenticate an account and post something in the forum, they could automatically get far enough to enable them to send messages to each other via the forum... and I suppose each message meant a new page of the internet existed.
So I would find these bots were signing up for 20 accounts overnight - all using e-mail addresses with Chinese domains, and then they would send hundreds of messages to each other... until the servers crashed under the weight of the activity.
I got quite good at fighting them off, blocking the IP addresses of the computers they were using and banning the domain names they were using to sign up but they would come back the next day with new domains and using different IP addresses. Mostly they were based in China or Korea but occasionally they were in the States, or Brazil or Holland or Germany...
While I could fight them off in the short term it got to the point where I was spending an hour each day tidying up after their little sorties and I simply don't know enough about the software to patch up the security holes. So eventually I had to nuke that forum and start another from a different company entirely. I'm quite amazed that I've been able to understand it sufficiently to set it up and transfer over all the existing conversations and usernames etc. So far it appears to be spam free. Famous last words.
Anyway... for those who are interested... the shiny new forum - or, as the regular users christened it - the Gorum - is here.
And with that, I'm back on holiday... which involves going to see a lot of gigs.
Two (admittedly London-centric) recommendations for your weekend:
Comedy: Todd Barry at The Soho Theatre.
Music: Dead Dog in Black Bag at the Monto Water Rats .
There are a couple of things to say... one of which is probably quite boring so I'll start with the not-boring bit. Somebody sent me a link to this clip someone has made using the sound from one of the ideas on Genius... and I really like what they've done.
Maybe this is what we should do for the TV version. Instead of making it in a TV studio, maybe we should just get them to add still pictures to the audio. I really like it.
But then again, maybe not... I think people will have a reasonable expectation that they'll be able to see the actual show. The filming dates for the series aren't finalised but I expect it to happen in September/October. I'll be sure to let my mailing list know as soon as the tickets are released.
More importantly, we need more people like Stephen Elsby of Swindon to get in touch with their ideas. We can't make a series of Genius if potential Geniuses don't send in their ideas... personally, I think everyone has a genius idea in them, so visit bbc.co.uk/genius and let us know about your particular brainwave...
Now... the boring bit.
I don't really understand how these things work but for many years there's been a forum on my website. I don't pay it an awful lot of attention but one of the things I like about it is that isn't meant to be a place for people to discuss me... it's just a place for people to chat.
But in the last few weeks it's been attacked by bots. Like I say, I don't know how these things work and with most things relating to my website my understanding expands to take in just as much as I need to know and nothing more. What I do know is that just as some people make a living by bombarding us all with spam, so some people make a living by trying to improve the visibility of their websites. I suppose that if your website sells something or makes ad revenue or whatever then the more people that find it the better. So they try to con search engines into thinking it's a more relevant page than it is by creating lots of pages full of links to their sites.
The forum I was using on my site was quite old and insecure and it meant that computer-bots could automatically sign up for accounts. Even though it needed a real life person to completely authenticate an account and post something in the forum, they could automatically get far enough to enable them to send messages to each other via the forum... and I suppose each message meant a new page of the internet existed.
So I would find these bots were signing up for 20 accounts overnight - all using e-mail addresses with Chinese domains, and then they would send hundreds of messages to each other... until the servers crashed under the weight of the activity.
I got quite good at fighting them off, blocking the IP addresses of the computers they were using and banning the domain names they were using to sign up but they would come back the next day with new domains and using different IP addresses. Mostly they were based in China or Korea but occasionally they were in the States, or Brazil or Holland or Germany...
While I could fight them off in the short term it got to the point where I was spending an hour each day tidying up after their little sorties and I simply don't know enough about the software to patch up the security holes. So eventually I had to nuke that forum and start another from a different company entirely. I'm quite amazed that I've been able to understand it sufficiently to set it up and transfer over all the existing conversations and usernames etc. So far it appears to be spam free. Famous last words.
Anyway... for those who are interested... the shiny new forum - or, as the regular users christened it - the Gorum - is here.
And with that, I'm back on holiday... which involves going to see a lot of gigs.
Two (admittedly London-centric) recommendations for your weekend:
Comedy: Todd Barry at The Soho Theatre.
Music: Dead Dog in Black Bag at the Monto Water Rats .
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
An overheard conversation...
At the weekend I was on the Southbank, wandering along between Shakespeare's Globe and Borough Market.
There's a replica of Francis Drake's ship The Golden Hinde moored at Pickford's Wharf at the end of Clink Street and as I approached it, I was passed by what I assumed to be a father and son in the middle of a heated discussion.
Well, the boy - who I reckon was 7 or 8 years old - was heated, his Dad was incredibly calm and behaved as if he'd heard it all before.
BOY: You've made me lose my temper now... so I'm going to tell Social Services that you haven't taken me anywhere at all...
DAD: I've got lots of photos of you.
BOY: So? I'll tell Social Services they were taken before...
DAD: Will you stand there by the pirate ship.
BOY: What here?
DAD: Yes.
BOY: Okay.
[THE BOY SMILES. HIS DAD TAKES A PHOTO. THE BOY INSTANTLY SCOWLS AGAIN]
DAD: You know when I put the photos on the computer it'll show the date and time when they were taken.
At which the boy snorted through his nose. Partly it was a snort of disgust but mostly it registered defeat and his annoyance at the unfairness of the world for not allowing him to lie to Social Services about the nice time his father hadn't shown him. Remarkable. Indeed, I remarked upon it.
There's a replica of Francis Drake's ship The Golden Hinde moored at Pickford's Wharf at the end of Clink Street and as I approached it, I was passed by what I assumed to be a father and son in the middle of a heated discussion.
Well, the boy - who I reckon was 7 or 8 years old - was heated, his Dad was incredibly calm and behaved as if he'd heard it all before.
BOY: You've made me lose my temper now... so I'm going to tell Social Services that you haven't taken me anywhere at all...
DAD: I've got lots of photos of you.
BOY: So? I'll tell Social Services they were taken before...
DAD: Will you stand there by the pirate ship.
BOY: What here?
DAD: Yes.
BOY: Okay.
[THE BOY SMILES. HIS DAD TAKES A PHOTO. THE BOY INSTANTLY SCOWLS AGAIN]
DAD: You know when I put the photos on the computer it'll show the date and time when they were taken.
At which the boy snorted through his nose. Partly it was a snort of disgust but mostly it registered defeat and his annoyance at the unfairness of the world for not allowing him to lie to Social Services about the nice time his father hadn't shown him. Remarkable. Indeed, I remarked upon it.
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