At the weekend I was on the Southbank, wandering along between Shakespeare's Globe and Borough Market.
There's a replica of Francis Drake's ship The Golden Hinde moored at Pickford's Wharf at the end of Clink Street and as I approached it, I was passed by what I assumed to be a father and son in the middle of a heated discussion.
Well, the boy - who I reckon was 7 or 8 years old - was heated, his Dad was incredibly calm and behaved as if he'd heard it all before.
BOY: You've made me lose my temper now... so I'm going to tell Social Services that you haven't taken me anywhere at all...
DAD: I've got lots of photos of you.
BOY: So? I'll tell Social Services they were taken before...
DAD: Will you stand there by the pirate ship.
BOY: What here?
DAD: Yes.
BOY: Okay.
[THE BOY SMILES. HIS DAD TAKES A PHOTO. THE BOY INSTANTLY SCOWLS AGAIN]
DAD: You know when I put the photos on the computer it'll show the date and time when they were taken.
At which the boy snorted through his nose. Partly it was a snort of disgust but mostly it registered defeat and his annoyance at the unfairness of the world for not allowing him to lie to Social Services about the nice time his father hadn't shown him. Remarkable. Indeed, I remarked upon it.
15 comments:
Your mention of the Golden Hinde reminded me that, as I run past there on my riverside loop most mornings, I always think that yellow striped sign of theirs is a Witness Appeal sign. There's something about the colours and lettering that always screams "violent attack" in my brain before I consciously realise what it's actually for.
(also, the cobblestones by the Clink are awful ankle-killers...)
I love this kind of overheard conversation.
I was on the bus and heard three schoolkids talking about the new Grand Theft Auto game. I love it when defeat brings out nonsense:
Boy 1: Got Grand Theft Auto now. S'raw.
Boy 2: I well want that.
Boy 3: You don't even know what Grand Theft Auto means.
Boy 2: Yeah I do.
Boy 3: No you don't. What does it mean, then?
Boy 2: It's just, like, stealing cars.
[Boy 3 thinks for a couple of seconds while the other boys wait for a reply.]
Boy 3: Your mum's a grand theft auto.
I laughed quite loudly at that and had to pretend I was a nutter laughing at my copy of The New Statesman.
...Then again, it was a particularly amusing issue.
Your Mum's a particularly amusing issue!
Haha, sorry, couldn't resist :)
Dave, when are you gonna get back into your normal blogging routine? Have the book tours/readings/interviews come to an end yet?
I miss your words in my RSS box!
=] grr it is annoying when my dad is right
i like the drainpipe by the way =]
@StudentGamer: I don't have a "normal blogging routine". I write when there's something to say...
@Martin:
My and my mates do that all the time! My best friend and I are considering going to rehab because, when our other friends made us tally up the amount of times we said "your mum" in a day, it came to over 200.
@Ryan, I know what you mean about rehab. A few years back, me and a few mates couldn't stop saying "Mince" whenever we heard someone say "Ooh". "Ooh, Mince" is an Alan Partridge reference, BTW.
We never made it to 200, but that's probably because you'd be hard pressed to hear that many people say "Ooh" in a day...
I do love reading overheard conversations. Overheard in Dublin is one site I visit daily.
Brilliant! I didn't realize that other children threatened their parents with reporting them to social services. My daughter did it all the time. You just can't convince them that you spend all of your time and money on making them happy.
I literally just came across this site because a friend reminded me of Dave Gorman existence (Sorry Dave).
It's hilarious.. and this story made me laugh like a hyena on acid.
LOVE IT!
The dad should have got his kid to hold up a copy of that days newspaper like some kind of kidnap victim
You protest a bit too much, unmoderated-boys-in-underwear-poster. You are no better than anyone else. Stop acting like it. Welcome to the list.
Ah, who hasn't used the ol' "I'll report you to Childline" line with their parents from time to time.
I know I still do.
I remember doing something similar when I was an obnoxious teenager. I believe it to be a rite of passage, of sorts. The rite is only completed when the parent in question either humiliates you or else... No in fact just humiliates you, it doesn't have to be a public humiliation, just one that the parent can legitimately say "Yep, I've got the better of you, because I'm older, smarter and ultimately I'm right, you're wrong and what's more is that you know it. Shut up eat your broccoli and maybe I'll let you watch The Bill after dinner". Joy!
@Martin: Your Mom made it to 200!
"Ooh, Mince" - Alan Partridge doing his "Camp David" on BBC Radio Norwich, Up With the Partridge - hehe gotta love it.
@Dave re: "I write when there's something to say"
'Tis the best way to blog. That's what I tend to do. Doesn't matter if you leave a long gap between posts then do two or three in a short space of time.
Just come across this blog and subscribed with Firefiox Live Bookmarks. Great stuff! Hope to hear from you soon.
Ben
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