Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Bush Telegraph

With so much going on in the world, if you want people to know you're going on tour, you need to be creative. People don't notice posters as they walk down the street. Their eyes flit straight past the ads you place in the papers at great expense. You need to find new ways of putting the information in front of them.

For this tour, I had a cunning plan.

I put in a call to Kate Bush.
"Kate," I said, "it's been a while since your last live gig hasn't it?"
"Thirty five years," she replied.
"Really! That long! Blimey. You should get back out there. Do some more."
"Well, I've thought about it Dave," said Kate Bush, katebushily, "but I always get so bored before a show. I just don't know what to do with myself."
"Oh, we all get that," I said, trying to jolly her into it.
There was a pause.
"Is it true that you have a dartboard that straps on to the back of a door?" she asked.
"Yes," I said. I could hear her resistance breaking down.
"And is it true that when you're on tour, you take it with you and play darts for an hour before the shows?"
"Uh huh."
"Um... can I borrow it?"
"Of course you can!" I said. "Do you want to borrow some darts as well?"
"Don't be daft," she squeaked. "I've got my own arrers!"

So that was part one of my plan accomplished. Persuade Kate Bush to go back to live performance.

I knew she'd choose the Apollo in Hammersmith, the scene of her last gig in 1979. That was crucial. Because that's also one of the venues on my tour.

And of course I knew there'd be a huge amount of attention given over to Kate Bush performing again. Her tickets would go in a flash. Her first night would be a huge event. The world would talk about little else for one day. There would be TV cameras outside the venue, interviewing punters before and after.

I just needed to make sure the electronic billboards outside the venue were timed right. They were. Here I am on the BBC website:

It was clearly seen by a lot of people on various reports. Tweets started arriving about it last night and have continued this morning. As you can see, it was on the box at 8.11 am:

and again at 8.33:

I couldn't afford to buy that kind of exposure. Mission accomplished. Thanks Kate.

If only my plans to get B*witched to promote my book launch had gone as well...

4 comments:

Alan Chapman said...

I noticed the posters all evening... made me chuckle. But wasted effort I'm afraid...I bought my tickets for Brighton a year ago!

Wolvesblogger said...

Just brilliant, every blumin news channel. I bought my tickets because I have been on every tour, but I'll be more than happy to see people who have converted to Gormanism!

Sue Powell said...

somehow I had missed news of the new tour, but thanks to Kate Bush I now have 2 tickets for the Lowry show in Salford

Emma Spreadbury said...

Ba-Boom-shka!