Hello

I haven't posted anything for a while. I hadn't realised it but I think I've been on holiday. Not that I've gone anywhere - although I have popped down to the seaside briefly - just that I haven't been doing any proper work. Which has been lovely. And probably much needed too.

There are a couple of things to say... one of which is probably quite boring so I'll start with the not-boring bit. Somebody sent me a link to this clip someone has made using the sound from one of the ideas on Genius... and I really like what they've done.

Maybe this is what we should do for the TV version. Instead of making it in a TV studio, maybe we should just get them to add still pictures to the audio. I really like it.

But then again, maybe not... I think people will have a reasonable expectation that they'll be able to see the actual show. The filming dates for the series aren't finalised but I expect it to happen in September/October. I'll be sure to let my mailing list know as soon as the tickets are released.

More importantly, we need more people like Stephen Elsby of Swindon to get in touch with their ideas. We can't make a series of Genius if potential Geniuses don't send in their ideas... personally, I think everyone has a genius idea in them, so visit bbc.co.uk/genius and let us know about your particular brainwave...

Now... the boring bit.

I don't really understand how these things work but for many years there's been a forum on my website. I don't pay it an awful lot of attention but one of the things I like about it is that isn't meant to be a place for people to discuss me... it's just a place for people to chat.

But in the last few weeks it's been attacked by bots. Like I say, I don't know how these things work and with most things relating to my website my understanding expands to take in just as much as I need to know and nothing more. What I do know is that just as some people make a living by bombarding us all with spam, so some people make a living by trying to improve the visibility of their websites. I suppose that if your website sells something or makes ad revenue or whatever then the more people that find it the better. So they try to con search engines into thinking it's a more relevant page than it is by creating lots of pages full of links to their sites.

The forum I was using on my site was quite old and insecure and it meant that computer-bots could automatically sign up for accounts. Even though it needed a real life person to completely authenticate an account and post something in the forum, they could automatically get far enough to enable them to send messages to each other via the forum... and I suppose each message meant a new page of the internet existed.

So I would find these bots were signing up for 20 accounts overnight - all using e-mail addresses with Chinese domains, and then they would send hundreds of messages to each other... until the servers crashed under the weight of the activity.

I got quite good at fighting them off, blocking the IP addresses of the computers they were using and banning the domain names they were using to sign up but they would come back the next day with new domains and using different IP addresses. Mostly they were based in China or Korea but occasionally they were in the States, or Brazil or Holland or Germany...

While I could fight them off in the short term it got to the point where I was spending an hour each day tidying up after their little sorties and I simply don't know enough about the software to patch up the security holes. So eventually I had to nuke that forum and start another from a different company entirely. I'm quite amazed that I've been able to understand it sufficiently to set it up and transfer over all the existing conversations and usernames etc. So far it appears to be spam free. Famous last words.

Anyway... for those who are interested... the shiny new forum - or, as the regular users christened it - the Gorum - is here.

And with that, I'm back on holiday... which involves going to see a lot of gigs.
Two (admittedly London-centric) recommendations for your weekend:
Comedy: Todd Barry at The Soho Theatre.
Music: Dead Dog in Black Bag at the Monto Water Rats .

An overheard conversation...

At the weekend I was on the Southbank, wandering along between Shakespeare's Globe and Borough Market.

There's a replica of Francis Drake's ship The Golden Hinde moored at Pickford's Wharf at the end of Clink Street and as I approached it, I was passed by what I assumed to be a father and son in the middle of a heated discussion.

Well, the boy - who I reckon was 7 or 8 years old - was heated, his Dad was incredibly calm and behaved as if he'd heard it all before.

BOY: You've made me lose my temper now... so I'm going to tell Social Services that you haven't taken me anywhere at all...
DAD: I've got lots of photos of you.
BOY: So? I'll tell Social Services they were taken before...
DAD: Will you stand there by the pirate ship.
BOY: What here?
DAD: Yes.
BOY: Okay.
[THE BOY SMILES. HIS DAD TAKES A PHOTO. THE BOY INSTANTLY SCOWLS AGAIN]
DAD: You know when I put the photos on the computer it'll show the date and time when they were taken.

At which the boy snorted through his nose. Partly it was a snort of disgust but mostly it registered defeat and his annoyance at the unfairness of the world for not allowing him to lie to Social Services about the nice time his father hadn't shown him.

Remarkable. Indeed, I remarked upon it.

Drainpipes, originally uploaded by Dave Gorman.

Brighton Pier

Brighton Pier, originally uploaded by Dave Gorman.

You Make Hay While The Sun Shines...

... but you wait until it's pissing it down to hold a festival.

The last week has been... wet. Not so much Hay On Wye as Hay In Wye.

When I got there the sun was shining. I'd been billeted in a B&B in the tiny village of Llanigon - a couple of miles out of Hay - and so I thought I'd do the smart thing and hire a bike. About two hours later it started raining.

And it didn't stop. The festival is held in a network of tents and marquees all erected in a large field. Or swamp. Once you're on the site you can get from A to B on covered walkways... which is remarkable... but you still have to get to the site and that almost always meant mud. I'm sure a lot of books are sold at the festival... but I dare say they ruin almost as many shoes. It's a shoe-ruining festival is what it is.

I saw a few events - and tended to enjoy the factual/socio-political ones most of all. A nice couple at the B&B offered me a lift down to the site on the first soggy morning and I accepted... but I was determined to make use of the bike and so decided to invest in some all-weather get up. Buying wellingtons is a sure sign that things haven't gone to plan. The only thing worse than buying wellies is needing to buy wellies and not being able to. With rubber boots and waterproof trousers I then cycled each day.

I managed a couple of excursions into the countryside and a couple of rock-balancing sessions too:


... but mainly I got wet, heard people discuss the books they'd written and watched as a few thousand people pretended they didn't watch television. They do.

There was a lot of free time and with the weather as it was there simply wasn't a lot to do with it so I was glad of any distraction. Just A Minute was more fun than the last time I did it... and I really enjoyed guesting on Marcus Brigstocke's show The Early Edition too.

The reason I was there was to film a show for Sky Arts. It's called What The Dickens? although I think there was only one Dickens-related question in six episodes. It's a panel show with the brilliant Sandi Toksvig as host and Tim Brooke-Taylor and myself as team captains. It's fantastic to watch Sandi work. She just seems to get better and better... she really is as complete a comic voice as I've encountered. And what can you say about TBT? He's a Goodie for crying out loud! I loved The Goodies! What kind of ridiculous world is it where I go away for a week and film 6 shows with a Goodie? In a tent. In the rain.

If you see any of them... I'm probably wearing wellies behind that desk.

Hay

Cow, originally uploaded by Dave Gorman.

Firstly... rejoinders to my last un-bloggy news entry:

1: Heresy: a pleasure. Especially as I got to meet and work with the masterful Clive James.

2: Soccer 6: Such a great day out. We were in a group with teams labelled Justin Hawkins, Reality TV stars and McFly. Some teams had ex-pros assigned to them - we were delighted to have none other than Neville Southall in goal - but McFly were the pre-tournament favourites. They had Dean Saunders playing for them and had somehow managed to bag the highly skilled former Big Brother winner Anthony Hutton as well - how dare he betray his reality roots. Of course if any of McFly farted the crowd roared - sorry, squealed - with delight and any team playing against them were immediately cast as pantomime villains. We beat Hawkins' mob 6-1, Reality FC, 2-1 and then had a hard fought 1-0 win against McFly. Confidence was up. But then we lost in our quarter final. 2-0. I don't know who the opposition were to be honest. But I know their goal-keeper was on fire. They had two shots and scored two goals. We sent balls fizzing past the post on several occasions and their keeper kept out 9 or 10 more. So they deserved to win. But we were gutted.

3: Hay: What The Dickens. I'm on my way to Hay soon. While there I'll also be recording another episode of Just A Minute. Lord only knows if I'll find it any easier to get a word in edgewise this time. I hope so.

New Un-bloggy News:
I'm a guest on The Paul O'Grady Show on Monday. So's Duffy. She's ace.

I don't know if I'm going to be online when I'm in Hay... so there might be a prolonged period of radio-silence.

There are already thousands of reasons to love Half Man, Half Biscuit but their new album 'CSI: Ambleside' provides dozens more.
"I'm gonna feed our children non-organic food..
and with the money saved, take 'em to the zoo"
is one of them.

Un-bloggy news...

Gull, originally uploaded by Dave Gorman.

1: I'm a guest on an episode of Heresy (Radio 4) that records tomorrow (Friday 16th) night at the Drill Hall in central London. (Tickets)

2: I'm the weak link in a comedian's team that are playing in Soccer 6 event on Sunday. (Gates open at midday, tickets are £12 in advance or £15 on the day and all money raised goes to support The Samaritans... which is probably a bit of an unfashionable charity but no less worthy - or indeed necessary - for that.) Omid Djalili, Russell Howard, Lee Mack and Noel Fielding are all meant to be playing and they all possess silky skills that put me to shame.

3: May 24 to 28: I'm going to be in Hay on Wye for the Hay Festival where I'll be taking part in recordings of What The Dickens for Sky Arts.

Red Van. Blue Containers. Green Containers. Swan. River.

Red Van. Blue Containers. Green Containers. Swan. River., originally uploaded by Dave Gorman.