Un-bloggy news...

Gull, originally uploaded by Dave Gorman.

1: I'm a guest on an episode of Heresy (Radio 4) that records tomorrow (Friday 16th) night at the Drill Hall in central London. (Tickets)

2: I'm the weak link in a comedian's team that are playing in Soccer 6 event on Sunday. (Gates open at midday, tickets are £12 in advance or £15 on the day and all money raised goes to support The Samaritans... which is probably a bit of an unfashionable charity but no less worthy - or indeed necessary - for that.) Omid Djalili, Russell Howard, Lee Mack and Noel Fielding are all meant to be playing and they all possess silky skills that put me to shame.

3: May 24 to 28: I'm going to be in Hay on Wye for the Hay Festival where I'll be taking part in recordings of What The Dickens for Sky Arts.

We all dream of a team of Phil Neals

Gary McAllister: Injured. Jamie Redknapp: Absent.

Phil Neal, Bob Bolder: gentlemen, heroes, teachers. Team-mates.

Colin Murray, Euan Blair, Paul 'Wilbur' Smith, Graeme 'G' Inman, Nick Haycraft: LFC fans, friends, soldiers. Team-mates.

Because of late changes to our team we had Liverpool legends Ray Houghton and Jason McAteer in the side as well, but while Phil Neal and Bob Bolder were with us for the whole day, they turned up later. Playing 20 minutes in their company was a heightened experience. A rare pleasure.

There's something about watching people with so much ability up close. They ooze quality. They do difficult things with ease and they think faster.

In spite of the way it ended, Tuesday has to rank right up there as one of the most enjoyable days of my life. Phil Neal and Bob Bolder were with us from the start and were so good at taking the 6 amateurs under their wings and sharing their knowledge. Meeting heroes is a dangerous game. They can disappoint. Illusions can be shattered. That didn't happen. Phil Neal exceeded my every expectation. I can't remember meeting a more inspiring and invigorating person. Nobody who was involved in the day has achieved more than him (8 League Championships, 4 European Cups) and yet nobody involved gave more of themselves. A true honour. At the end of the day, I nicked his captain's armband. We all want souvenirs.

There are two matches each day. The first of which kicks off at 8pm. Because of the filming the day is long and there are several hours after the coaching and before the kick off where there's really nothing to do. The production team warned us that the day could be boring and recommended that we didn't stay around the Academy. But after our coaching session we decided we didn't want to go our separate ways. We wanted to hang out together. We wanted to be a team. And so we did just that. And it wasn't boring.

And nor was the game. 3-1 down at half time, we summoned the spirit of Istanbul, dug in and came back to 3-3. The tournament has a vaguely complicated structure which I won't bother to explain, suffice to say that we didn't just need to win to get through to the quarter finals... we needed to win by two goals.

This being a TV show they have a few changes to the rules all of which are intended to keep the action going and encourage attacking play. In the final minute of each half they have a powerplay... during which, all goals count twice. So, in the 20th minute, we were needing to score one goal to take a two goal advantage and put us through to the next round. We had two great scoring opportunities, but the ball didn't find the net and the game ended in a draw... meaning that both teams failed to get through. We were devastated. I really wish we were going back for another match on Friday. But we're not. I'd do it all again at the drop of a hat.

Camel

I enjoyed soccer am this morning. It's really relaxed and ever so slightly falling apart at the seams in a nice way. In the same way that opening a window on an advent calendar gets a child more excited about Christmas, talking about the Premier League All Stars event got me more excited about Tuesday's game too.

When I spoke to the researcher about the show a few days ago I ended up mentioning this football related looky-likey that I'd seen. It's from the video to the Kaiser Chief's song We Are The Angry Mob. One of the characters in the posh restaurant looks the spit of Rafa Benitez. Okay, he has a full beard... but last season Rafa had no beard and this season he has a goatee so it's entirely possible that he grew the full beard and then trimmed it back. I mean... it could be him. It fair freaked me out when I first saw it. It's probably been discussed elsewhere and I wouldn't have been at all surprised if they'd mentioned it on soccer am before now... but apparently not. Apparently they were planning to show it this morning. But - as happens so often on live TV, they ran out of time. So, seeing as I didn't have the satisfaction of sharing it with the world then, I'll share it with you now. The video can be found on youtube. And here's a screengrab from near the end:

The only downside to appearing on the show was that afterwards my Mum called and asked me me to explain what I'd said towards the end of the first chat (clip.) I'm not going to explain what a camel-toe is to my Mum. If you don't know what it means, you're a winner. Continue not knowing. It's better that way.

You'll Never Walk Alone

Every now and then offers come in that are simply too good to be true... and here's one of them. On Tuesday, I'll be playing football in a Sky TV tournament called Premier League All Stars.

It's a 7-a-side tournament which mixes up ex-pros, members of the public and, ahem, so-called celebrity fans. I always find the word "celebrity" vaguely uncomfortable but not to the extent that I'd turn down the opportunity to play football for the team I support... especially when there are some former players in the same side.

I'm a Liverpool fan and I know the ex-pros in the 10 man squad will include Gary McAllister and Jamie Redknapp. How ridiculous is the world? Criminy, I've just realised that Gary McAllister was winning trophies with Liverpool when he was the age I am now... which makes my lack of fitness all the more embarrassing. (As you can see, I had the belly and the ball control when I was a bairn... nowadays it's just the belly.)

Also pulling on the Liverpool jersey will be Radio 1's Colin Murray and son-of-a-former-Prime-Minister, Euan Blair who at least has youth on his side. I read a press release for the show somewhere and the names I saw playing for some of the other teams were a bit intimidating; Mark Ramprakash for Arsenal, Martin Offiah for Wigan and Jonathan Edwards for Newcastle for example. So that's a cricketer, a rugby player and an athlete... while we're a pretentious comic, a disc-jockey and Tony Blair's son. Hmmm. Could be interesting.

Anyway... we're playing Derby on Tuesday night and I'll be popping up on soccer am on Saturday morning alongside the lovely, funny (and surprisingly skilful midfield wizard) Omid Djalili.

Goal!

This afternoon I scored a goal at a Premiership football ground. It wasn't against a Premiership team and we weren't playing on a full size pitch but then that's not really important. What's important is that I. Scored. A. Goal. At. West. Ham.

Soccer six was a ridiculously enjoyable day out and while it's a charity event and nobody takes the games too seriously... it's impossible not to get competitive. Our team failed to qualify from our 4-team group - notching up a (disputed) 1-1 draw, a (luckless (honest)) 4-2 loss and a (should have done better) 3-1 win. To a man I think we all really wanted to get through if for no other reason than we wanted to play some more. Normally when I play on grass the pitch looks like it's been recently ploughed so there's a real joy in playing on such an amazing surface... I think everyone finds their passing-game is improved when the ball stays true on the turf. Maybe if our whole squad had turned up - we were without former pro Mickey Thomas for a start - it would have been different. Heigh and indeed ho.

Delighted to have been there, gutted to have gone out when we did. It was a nice goal though.�

Soccer Six

I'm very much looking forward to this weekend... because I'm going to be playing football at West Ham Utd. I'm taking part in the Soccer Six event which is raising money for Samaritans. Some people who are very close to me used to volunteer for Samaritans so I know how valuable a service they provide and how much support they need. But let's not pretend that the charity is uppermost in my mind... the truth is I'm just very excited to put my boots on and play at a Premiership ground. Which it still is. Just.

I'm not quite sure how I came to be invited to play what with not being a proper celeb and, in particular, not being in a band as they seem to make up the majority of the teams. If you're in a band I guess that's your team selection sorted while I'm playing in a team with a few other bandless folks, like Angus Deayton and Oliver Skeet. Should be fun. If you want to come along and cheer us on (as well as Razorlight, Babyshambles or whoever) you can get tickets from TicketMaster or by calling 0870 534 4444. Should be